Charlie the Unicorn "Charlie, wake up!" His friends shrieked at him. "This had better be important," Charlie groaned. "Wake up, Charlie, we found the map to Candy Mountain! Let's go to Candy Mountain!" They said hysterically, "Let's go!" Charlie grunted. "Candy Mountain is not a real place, I'm going back to sleep now," he complained. "But Charlie, you have to follow us to Candy Mountain! It'll be a fun adventure!" His blue friend said, at the same time his pink friend jumped on him. "Okay, okay, I'll follow you guys," Charlie whined.
"Look Charlie, we're in a magical forest!" His friends exclaimed. "Yeah, it's really magical, all right," Charlie said sarcastically. "Look over there, it's a magical creature! Let's ask him for directions!" They said as they pointed to a Liopleurodon. The creature then began to make sounds. "Alright, we have to go that way now, Charlie!" They exclaimed, pointing to a dangerous looking bridge that was precariously hanging over a huge cliff. "Oh no, there's no way I'm getting on that bridge," Charlie complained, but to his dismay, his friends dragged him along anyway. Wild thoughts rushed through his head as he started thinking about possible outcomes of the trip.
Techniques used for Characterisation
I used words such as complained and whined to portray Charlie being stubborn and ignorant. I also used speech to show sarcasm and show that Charlie was not a very positive being. He is also very cowardly and does not really dare to take risks. He is stubborn, rude and negative and this was the characteristics that I was trying to portray.
Your story is very classical and nice to read. However, I think you could improve on the characteristics and descriptions of the characters and objects in the story, to leave a bigger impression on the reader. Your dialogues are straightforward and interesting due to Charlie's sarcasm but I think you can add more details in it, like saying giving some examples on some of the 'magical' things in the forest.
ReplyDeleteJingrong
Hi Daryl. This is a great excerpt focusing on the dialogue between the sarcastic Charlie and his two nonsensical and idiotic friends. I am personally an avid fan of Charlie the Unicorn, and I enjoyed reading your excerpt. Perhaps you might want to work on the ways to include dialogue in a story, and add more descriptions on the setting, like maybe saying that the forest is a normal forest and that there is nothing magical in it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, is that unicorn in the picture Charlie? I don't think so.
Xavier Neo (2A117)